this is beautifully articulated, espthe idea that urgency can shrink discernment and turn ethics into endurance tests. The line about power not needing belief, only habit, really lands. I also appreciate how you distinguish softness from disengagement; saying it as refusal rather than retreat feels clarifying. Movements that don’t make room for nervous systems eventually burn through the very people they rely on.
What I’m circling in my piece is slightly different -- a different edge of the same
word -- less about softness as strategic advantage, and more about what happens when urgency turns it into obligation. I’m interested in the cost when “optional” stops being optional.
This really landed for me. I’ve watched urgency turn into a kind of moral pressure that makes people less capable of discernment, not more. And the point that power doesn’t need belief, it needs habits, feels dead-on, especially when exhaustion starts getting treated like proof of commitment.
I also appreciate you naming that visibility isn’t automatically the most ethical tactic. Sometimes softness, retreat, silence, or stepping back is not disengagement, it’s context-aware refusal, and it protects the ability to keep thinking clearly.
Thank you for translating the “safety is unevenly distributed” truth without letting it harden into an expectation that turns bodies into fuel.
Especially the way urgency gets mistaken for moral clarity. When exhaustion starts passing as proof of commitment, discernment is usually the first thing lost.
That line you ended on - bodies becoming fuel - is exactly the risk I'm trying to keep visible.
This is so beautiful. I will say though, that I was at a point where I was working so hard and still felt constantly behind (despite making a decent living). I couldn’t soften, until I broke - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Learning to soften, to rest, to allow joy, to love with an open heart - it is all resistance. To do it all when it felt impossible, it was absolutely the most difficult thing I have ever done. Something crazy happened though, and I don’t know how to explain it, when I started to take care of myself and acknowledged that I couldn’t be so hard anymore, the universe met me there and began taking care of me a little more too, guiding me in ways I didn’t know I needed, putting people in my path who loved my softness and nurtured it, along with teaching me courage. It has allowed me to do more for others than being hard ever did, it has become my life’s work to become a vessel helping to allow a new softer world for all to emerge into existence. We do often don’t realize they being hard is just us helping to hold up the very structured we complain about.
I agree. It should absolutely disturb us. I just wanted to add that softening is not just something that is reserved for the privileged. In fact, in my successful, ‘privileged’ life, there was no space for it. When I softened, that life fell apart. Once I had nothing left to lose, it became much easier to stay soft in some ways.
🤣 Yes! Let’s keep pushing. I don’t thing we have to go ‘full Hugh’ right now. A few cracks in the system’s basement will do plenty of work for now. Cheers M8.
I appreciate the sense of urgency you imparted to me, Mrs. Bimako through this article. Exhaustion fragments coordination and nervous haste caused by poor time management makes urgency become a weapon against discernment.
I'm actually questioning urgency rather than imparting it -- especially when exhaustion is framed as personal time management instead of structural pressure.
demanding that activism be harder and stronger is just the weaponry of the patriarchy dressed in camouflage.
Yes, Venus. Exactly this.
this is beautifully articulated, espthe idea that urgency can shrink discernment and turn ethics into endurance tests. The line about power not needing belief, only habit, really lands. I also appreciate how you distinguish softness from disengagement; saying it as refusal rather than retreat feels clarifying. Movements that don’t make room for nervous systems eventually burn through the very people they rely on.
Thank you, Nicole.
'Ethics turning into endurance tests' is such a sharp way of putting it.
If movements can't make room for nervous systems, they end up replicating the pressure they claim to resist...
This resonated so much, softness is strength and difference. I wrote about using softness as power recently and it struck me there is not much writing on this topic? https://open.substack.com/pub/jes321/p/soft-power-hard-rooms?r=1yhozx&utm_medium=ios&shareImageVariant=card
Thanks for sharing this, SJ.
What I’m circling in my piece is slightly different -- a different edge of the same
word -- less about softness as strategic advantage, and more about what happens when urgency turns it into obligation. I’m interested in the cost when “optional” stops being optional.
I completely agree, when it stops being optional it can be very dangerous…
This really landed for me. I’ve watched urgency turn into a kind of moral pressure that makes people less capable of discernment, not more. And the point that power doesn’t need belief, it needs habits, feels dead-on, especially when exhaustion starts getting treated like proof of commitment.
I also appreciate you naming that visibility isn’t automatically the most ethical tactic. Sometimes softness, retreat, silence, or stepping back is not disengagement, it’s context-aware refusal, and it protects the ability to keep thinking clearly.
Thank you for translating the “safety is unevenly distributed” truth without letting it harden into an expectation that turns bodies into fuel.
Exactly, Brandy, that distinction matters.
Especially the way urgency gets mistaken for moral clarity. When exhaustion starts passing as proof of commitment, discernment is usually the first thing lost.
That line you ended on - bodies becoming fuel - is exactly the risk I'm trying to keep visible.
Thank you for reading with such care and depth.
This is so beautiful. I will say though, that I was at a point where I was working so hard and still felt constantly behind (despite making a decent living). I couldn’t soften, until I broke - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Learning to soften, to rest, to allow joy, to love with an open heart - it is all resistance. To do it all when it felt impossible, it was absolutely the most difficult thing I have ever done. Something crazy happened though, and I don’t know how to explain it, when I started to take care of myself and acknowledged that I couldn’t be so hard anymore, the universe met me there and began taking care of me a little more too, guiding me in ways I didn’t know I needed, putting people in my path who loved my softness and nurtured it, along with teaching me courage. It has allowed me to do more for others than being hard ever did, it has become my life’s work to become a vessel helping to allow a new softer world for all to emerge into existence. We do often don’t realize they being hard is just us helping to hold up the very structured we complain about.
Thank you, Ania, for trusting this place with something that costly.
What stands out to me isn’t just the softness you found, but how much had to break before it became possible.
That’s the part I’m still trying to stay with - how that fact should disturb us.
I agree. It should absolutely disturb us. I just wanted to add that softening is not just something that is reserved for the privileged. In fact, in my successful, ‘privileged’ life, there was no space for it. When I softened, that life fell apart. Once I had nothing left to lose, it became much easier to stay soft in some ways.
There's a story that Michael Gracey & Our Hugh tell about getting Showman greenlit:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6-CCxYR80mU&pp=ygUhaHVnaCBqYWNrbWFuIHRoZSBncmVhdGVzdCBzaG93bWFu
If the dominant paradigm is telling you that rest & softness & vulnerability must be earned? It's a tricky one to unlearn in real time. Especially now
Thank you for such a nuancesd piece
Oh yes, indeed, Jo. Unlearning that is hard ... especially in these times. But once we see the mechanics, the spell starts to loosen.
PS: thanks for the link. What they share at the beginning of the video is a great example of how human care beats systemic pressure.
Yes, we will come back home.
PSS: 😂 🎶 The song's stuck in my head (again). Not mad about it.
M8. His face bled.
My gym & I decided that we can push, just as long as our faces don't bleed (AKA don't go Full Hugh - just Hugh 🤣🥰🙏)
🤣 Yes! Let’s keep pushing. I don’t thing we have to go ‘full Hugh’ right now. A few cracks in the system’s basement will do plenty of work for now. Cheers M8.
I appreciate the sense of urgency you imparted to me, Mrs. Bimako through this article. Exhaustion fragments coordination and nervous haste caused by poor time management makes urgency become a weapon against discernment.
Thank you for being here, Oge.
I'm actually questioning urgency rather than imparting it -- especially when exhaustion is framed as personal time management instead of structural pressure.
That distinction matters to me.
That’s good to know.